i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
