My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
