hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize