I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
