you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
