His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
