can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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