I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
