I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
