He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
