Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
