I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
