Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
