How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
