When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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