You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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