maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
