She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
