we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize