babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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