My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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