Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize