I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
