I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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