last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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