why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
