Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
