u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize