I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
