no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
