Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
