Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
