Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
