Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
