I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I touched a dick in church today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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