OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
