Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize