You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
