This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
