you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
