I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
