is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
