we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
