Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
