where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
