you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
