that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
