he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
