one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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