Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
