The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
