I skipped work to stalk him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
