my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
