I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize
