Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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