Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He better not be in your backpack
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
