I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
