Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
