i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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