He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
