O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
