whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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