Apparently you make a good broom.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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