Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
