you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
