just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
