Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize