So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
