If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
