This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Say something about gay babies.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
