im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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