i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
