dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
