Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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